Communities In Schools of North Carolina Volunteer Guide
Helping Kids to Help Themselves

Adolescence is a time of emotional and physical upheaval. Sometimes communication between adults and adolescents leans toward teens being reprimanded or instructed. To establish an atmosphere of trust, understanding and flexibility, try this:

• Acknowledge and legitimize a teenager's feelings. What may seem trivial to you may seem like a matter of life or death to an adolescent. Acknowledge her feelings as legitimate.
  
  
• Try not to take mood swings and silences personally.
  
  
• As much as you are tempted, don't pump a teenager for information.
  
  
• Resist the temptation to control…instead, empower! Decisions must be weighed with consequences of actions.
  
  
• Try not to lecture or criticize. The proverbially "brick wall" we sometimes feel we have reached while communicating will not break down any more quickly with criticism or lectures.
  
  
• Pay attention, STOP and LISTEN when they do talk.
  
  
• Encourage teens to develop relationships with adults who love them and care about their growth, and try not to be hurt when they do.
  
  
• Be patient. Be patient. Be patient.
  
  
• Negotiate - negotiate - negotiate.
  
  
• There is a light at the end of the tunnel.