Girl Power

Why is it so hard to talk to your family or your friends sometimes? Think back to the last argument you had with a friend or a family member. (You've never had an argument? Wow! Your family and friends must live in an old TV show!) Sharing feelings can be tough. Sometimes it's hard to put your feelings into words and to tell another person that you are upset or angry.

"I can't believe it! I was sure that Ashley and I were going together to Bree's party. I mean, we always do things together and Ashley knows I don't know Bree that well. She should have known I'd feel nervous. Today at lunch I found out that Ashley is sleeping over at Bree's house tonight to help her with the party! What a traitor! Now what am I going to do?"

Sounds like Kimmy and Ashley weren't communicating. Kimmy's mad and hurt. What do you think Kimmy should do next? What about Ashley?

If Kimmy calls Ashley and says, "You are mean and nasty," what do you think Ashley will say? If Kimmy calls Ashley and says, "I feel really hurt because I don't want to go to the party by myself," what do you think Ashley will say? What's the big difference between the two? In the second quote, Kimmy uses an "I" message to tell Ashley her feelings. Kimmy is saying how she feels and why she feels that way. This gives Ashley the chance to make things better, instead of getting mad and fighting back.Think of some typical disagreements you have with friends or family members. Then practice using "I" messages instead of "You" messages to share your feelings.