Sue Lawyer-Tarr

The Time to "Be"
Intergenerational relationships are vital to the continuity of all cultures. The elderly bring wisdom and values into the family equation. They impart a sense of history, continuity of life and the importance of values and community. Great mentors for youth, seniors have knowledge and tolerance for the different stages of children's development, knowing "This stage too shall pass." They have learned effective ways of being with children that we can all benefit from.

In America, job relocation often limits our youths' opportunities to develop cross-generational ties and friendships with grandparents and older aunts and uncles. Family conflict and divorce also have an impact on contact with elder relatives. Lack of connection, isolation and not having the natural wisdom of our elders passed down from generation to generation can contribute to disconnected acts like school shootings and suicide. Disconnection costs our society on every level, physically, emotionally and spiritually.

Intergenerational friendships offer our youth people who have time to "be." Establishing connection and relationship takes time and hanging out together. The elderly have time to simply "be" with school-age children.

Twenty years of experiences with intergenerational activities at "The Clubhouse - After School Caring and Sharing, Inc.," the after-school program I founded in 1977, have shown me the incredible benefits reaped by getting elderly and school-age children together. Visits to senior programs were one of the children's favorite activities to sign up to go on field trips on.

One lively retirement home we visited weekly during one summer had an active group of 80 to 90 year old seniors. We could only take 12 children on each visit and we usually had three times as many children sign up to go to play cards or checkers. Children who couldn't go commented they felt the seniors would be sad they were not there. "I need to go," said one student. "Joe will miss me and be sad if I don't."

Often some of our more boisterous children formed the deepest bonds with the seniors and were incredibly well behaved and charming during our visits. Children found a great audience with the seniors who loved listening to them. They would help poor sighted seniors or those whose memories were failing keep track of what cards to play. They loved helping them and felt truly needed. Parents commented their children talked a lot about the people they visited at the retirement home. The seniors said it was their favorite activity of the week. Relationship and connection came out of spending time and simply being together.