Prepared for the White House conference on teenagers by:
The National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy
Campaign for Tobacco-Free Kids
National Campaign Against Youth Violence
Office of National Drug Control Policy
U.S. Department of Education
U.S. Department of Health and Human Services

Being a parent is one of life’s most challenging - and rewarding - responsibilities. But the parents of teenagers may have the toughest job around. Adolescence is the journey from childhood to adulthood, from relying mostly on the judgment of others to learning how to make responsible decisions independently. It can be a difficult transition for both teens and their parents, especially in a society in which young people are confronted daily with the serious risks that come with sex, violence, drugs, alcohol, smoking, and school failure - risks that science and common sense tell us are often related. Because the various risks teens face are so closely connected, so too are the solutions.

It’s easy for parents of teens to believe that they’ve lost their influence over their kids once they reach adolescence. The power of peers and the media can seem overwhelming. But research and experience both make clear: parents do matter in the lives of their teens. Teenagers need support, guidance, and caring from their parents as much as younger children do. And teens themselves say they want to hear from their parents about the challenges they face growing up, even if they don’t always act like it.

While each of the organizations that have helped develop this publication has a different focus, we offer many of the same messages to parents. Parents can do so much to foster their kids’ talents and skills and guide them toward healthy development. Parents can also shape the communities their children grow up in. Whether you’re concerned about drinking, drugs, violence, trouble in school, smoking, or sex (or all of the above), the best advice for parents is the same: stay closely connected to your teenage sons and daughters. The following ideas can help parents make a difference in the lives of their teens.

• Spend time with your children and teens. Spend time with your kids, engaged in activities that suit their ages and interests. Shared experiences build a bank account of affection and trust that forms the basis for future communication. Eat together as often as you can. Meals are a great opportunity to talk about the day’s events and to grow closer with your children. Use the time for conversation, not confrontation. Read, watch TV or movies, and surf the Internet together. Exercise or play sports as a family. Get involved in community service with your kids.
  
  
• Help teens gain a sense of self-confidence. Self-confidence is earned, not given. Give kids opportunities to learn skills and gain confidence. Offer praise for jobs well done, accentuate the positive, emphasize the things your children do right. If they fall short, suggest ways to improve; don’t criticize. Affection and respect will reinforce good behavior (and change bad) far more successfully than fear or embarrassment.
  
  
• Encourage your teens to get involved in fun, safe, fulfilling activities. Help your children to identify their strengths, talents, and interests and to find opportunities in which these assets can be developed. Encourage them to volunteer in the community, join a youth group, or participate in arts or sports. It’ll give them a sense of accomplishment, connect them to positive peers and adult leaders, and - not least of all - keep them busy.
  
  
• Help your teenagers set goals and understand that they have options for the future. Help kids understand how the choices they make now can affect their whole lives. Introduce them to successful people in your community who can explain what it took to succeed. Teens with long-term goals for education or work will be less likely to compromise their futures by engaging in risky behavior.
  
  
• Let your kids know that you value education highly. Stay involved in your children’s education and let them know it is important to you. Explain to them how their education will reward them later in life and why it is so important for them to take it seriously now. School failure is often a warning sign of other problems. If you notice a drop in performance, talk to your teen and his or her teachers immediately.
  
  
• Stay involved with your teens’ schools. Parents are often very connected to their children’s elementary schools but disengage as the kids get older. Try to stay involved right through middle and high school. Pay attention to the classes your teens are taking and the homework they are being assigned. Join the PTA or another parent organization. Volunteer to be a tutor, mentor, or guest lecturer. Meet your teens’ principals, teachers, counselors, and coaches. Attend back-to-school nights, student exhibitions, plays, band and chorus recitals, and sporting events. If you don’t show up, your kids will be the first to notice.