• Know where your kids are and what they’re doing. Set clear rules for your kids about what they may do and with whom they may spend time, and talk to them about why these rules are important. Establish curfews and make un-chaperoned parties off-limits. Make a special effort to know where your children and teens are on the weekends and after school, since those are the “danger zones” when unsupervised young people may have many opportunities to use drugs, commit crimes, and engage in other risky behavior. The goal is to be an attentive parent without being authoritarian. Remember, knowing where your kids are and what they’re up to doesn’t make you a nag; it makes you a caring parent.
  
  
• Get to know your children’s friends and their families. Friends have a strong influence on each other, so it is important to get to know your children’s friends and their parents. Much peer pressure is actually positive. Encourage your teens to hang out with healthy, positive friends. Welcome their friends into your home and talk with them openly.
  
  
• Talk with your children early and often about the pressures of growing up and the risks they may encounter: sex, drugs, alcohol, smoking, and violence. Although it may be difficult to initiate a conversation, start when your children are curious and begin to ask questions. Make it clear that everyone experiences pain, fear, anger, and anxiety, and talk with them about the appropriate ways to deal with troubling emotions. Make sure your kids know the dangers of tobacco, drugs and alcohol, and sex. Frequent communication on such issues should begin early in childhood and continue throughout adolescence, as questions and situations continue to change. Of course, with teens in particular, you may have to take the initiative in keeping communication going. Create an ongoing two-way dialogue by respectfully answering each question or topic thoughtfully. Talk to kids, not at them.
  
  
• Be clear about your own values and attitudes. Communicating with your children about difficult issues is most successful when you, as a parent, are certain about your own feelings. By being open and honest, you can express your values in a caring way. Many parents worry about seeming hypocritical, particularly if they engaged in risky behavior as teenagers themselves but are now urging their children to take a different path. While most teens have a very well-tuned “hypocrisy radar,” they are often sophisticated enough to realize that, in this age of AIDS, automatic weapons, and other dangers, new standards are appropriate.
  
  
• Set the right example. Be a living day-to-day example of your values and standards. Show the compassion, honesty, discipline, and openness you want your children to have. If you abuse drugs or alcohol, know that your kids are watching and what they observe may undercut your good intentions to keep them substance-free. Don’t smoke or allow smoking in your home. Model non-violent behavior. If you want young people to shun violence, you need to demonstrate how. Parents who are dating should know that their kids see what they do, not just hear what they say.
  
  
• Pay attention to kids before they get into trouble. Programs and support for teens in trouble are great, but all kids benefit from encouragement, attention, and support. Don’t focus attention on them only when there’s a problem. Let your kids know you are proud of them for doing the right thing - even when it seems like no big thing.
  
  
• Watch for signs that your teenager needs help. Learn the signs of drug and alcohol use, school failure, depression, and violence. Here are some clues to watch for: large amounts of time spent alone in isolation from family and friends, sudden changes in school performance, drastic mood swings or changes in behavior, lack of interest in hobbies or social and recreational activities, and changes in your child’s peer group or separation from long-time friends. Don’t be afraid to step in and seek outside help. Most communities have resources to help parents help their kids.
  
  
• Make your home safe and teach your kids the importance of safety. If you own guns, make sure that they are kept locked up. Don’t bring illegal drugs into your home, and keep your liquor cabinet locked. Don’t smoke around your kids or allow others to do so. Make sure your teens wear seatbelts, get good drivers’ education, and know the danger of drinking and driving.
  
  
• Know what your kids are watching, reading, and listening to. It is your role as a parent to serve as a filter between the media and your child. Even teens need guidance to become educated media consumers. Watch television or listen to music with your children and help them understand the difference between real life and what gets portrayed in the media. Look for teachable moments; characters and stories shown in the media often provide opportunities for talking about issues that concern you or your children.
  
  
• Get involved in your community. Parents can make a real difference in the lives of their children and teens, but parents can’t fix all the problems their kids face. Parents must get involved in changing the environment in which teens face tough challenges and choices. The more your community supports the positive development of teens, the easier it will be for you to do your job as a parent. Encourage schools and other organizations to adopt and enforce tobacco- and drug-free campuses. Advocate for teen-friendly and safe places that are drug-free, alcohol-free, and smoke-free. Join community organizations that promote policies to help kids, like restricting the marketing of tobacco to children or reducing community violence. Patronize businesses that promote healthy choices by teens. Help other teens in your community by becoming a mentor or employing teens at your place of work. Get involved with the youth group at your place of worship or local community center.