Denise Chrisman
Many times
the "problems" we encounter are ones that cannot be solved.
We do not cause these problems, cannot solve these problems, yet they
cause us extreme anxiety. For example, the weather, somebody else's
opinion, behavior, attitude, and many other life events. Although we
cannot "solve" them, we certainly can do things in our lives
to accept them.
The first
thing we always need to do is identify the problem. Be specific. "Life
stinks" is not a problem. Rain, a divorce in the family, a failing
grade - these are problems. Identify whether this is a problem you can
solve. A bad grade can be solved. A parent's divorce cannot.
Just because
we cannot change them does not mean we should ignore them. These are
usually the most frustrating and stressful problems we encounter. We
need to deal with the stress because increased stress usually leads
to more problems.
Steps
to dealing with problems we cannot change.
- Accept that we cannot solve the problem. (No matter what we do
- we cannot change the weather) Consider if there is alternative action
we can take (Change outdoor plans) or if we must simply accept that
this situation is not our problem to solve.
- Acknowledge your frustration and express your anger in a safe manner. (Talk to someone, walk, run, cry, yell (NOT at someone) listen
to music - do something to release the energy)
- Do something nice for yourself. This is a necessary step and the
step most often forgotten. Rewards in life are essential. Read, relax,
write, talk to a friend, eat dessert, shop, pick a safe activity that
you enjoy and indulge.
