Goodbye Cinderella Program, Samarkand Manor Youth Development Center

The objective of this activity is to identify irrational thoughts.

Irrational thinking causes much distress and misery for us. We are disturbed not so much by life's events, but by the irrational and illogical views we take of them. When events occur we adopt certain beliefs about them. Because of these beliefs we experience an emotional consequence. (Ellis, Albert). These emotional consequences can lead to irrational thoughts about the issue.

Some common irrational thoughts:

1. Problems will go away if I ignore them.
   
   
2. Life will be better when I find a man to love me and I leave home to live with him.
   
   
3. A woman cannot be really happy without a man.
   
   
4. It's ok for men to be a little rough because "boys will be boys."
   
   
5. Those I love should love me.
   
   
6. I should not have to make an effort to get the things I want and need.
   
   
7. A woman is limited because "It's a man's world".
   
   
8. Other people should be fair and loving.

To help teenage females understand the way irrational thoughts influence feelings and actions, present a picture of a snake. Many will express some disgust, fear or discomfort. Some will avoid any contact with the picture. Point out that we all know the picture can't harm us, but we may still feel fear or disgust from what we are telling ourselves about the picture. Explain how we are often unaware of chronic illogical thinking. This thinking causes certain emotions in certain situations. Because of this, we are often at the mercy of our feelings.

Emphasize with the girls we have the ability to choose to think differently. This will affect our reactions and feelings. We can challenge our thoughts by asking ourselves the following five questions. If the answer to three of the five is "NO", that person is probably doing some "stinkin' thinkin". Ask these questions when you have unpleasant feelings or consequences.

1. IS THIS TRUE? (This is especially important to ask of thoughts).
   
   
2. Will this protect and preserve my life and health? (Important to ask about behaviors, for example, smoking, driving while drunk or with someone who is, having unprotected sex).
   
   
3. Will this help achieve my long and short-term goals?
   
   
4. Will this help me avoid my unwanted conflict with others?
   
   
5. Will this help me habitually feel the emotions I want to feel?

If there are more than three "NO" answers, have the girls complete the YOU DO IT exercise for an upsetting event in their life. This chart gives the girls an easy way to identify their feelings and understand their irrational thoughts. The exercise gives them the opportunity to address illogical thinking and replace the illogical thoughts with more rational ones. Complete this exercise with the girls to help them become familiar with the process and teach them to use the chart for them for future use.